Total Turtle Tea Trolley

Through its affiliation with the Stompling Nelliphants, the enormous elephants with iron shoes and brushy helmets charged with the defense of the Metmow, the Total Turtle Tea Trolley is pleased to offer evacuation plans for its terrestrial fans, friends, and relations. In the dead of night, enormous grey zeppelins will silently glide into position and land nearby, unseen. A crack team of brown and white alpacas will move house to house, rousing those with TTTT connections, together with any pets, and directing them toward the landing sites. Polar bears busily pack clothing and personal effects to be loaded for the trip. Boarding the zeppelins, the refugees will be directed to a lavish buffet, catered by the Total Turtle Tea Trolley, and each supervised by one of the Tea Turtles themselves. As the zeppelins take off, bound for the Metmow, the buffets commence. There will be hot buttered toast points, Cream of Wheat cereal with half-and-half and brown sugar, blueberry and raspberry muffins, individual bananas, æbelskivers with powdered sugar, Nutella crepes, flapjacks, artisanal maple syrup, glazed donuts, corned beef hash, omelets made at an omelette station, and any number of fresh egg dishes. Minutes into the buffet, the diners will be well above the clouds, off the radar, and on their way to the Metmow. They will have already suspended their disbelief when the alpacas knocked on their door, and so they will no longer be surprised to see a beplumed and shod Stompling Nelliphant giving them an orientation as to what to expect in the Metmow. They will be surprised to learn that the Metmow is in fact divided into eight Metmows, surrounded by a particle accelerator ring operated by Furrylab, a division of the Metmow Institute for Nuclear Research (MINR). It has numerous neighborhoods in which they will feel right at home, including the leafy subdivision of Nelliphant Acres, where many elephants live, and Grasmere, where many alpacas and guanacos live. At first, the refugees will be lodged at the Hotel N., which will make use of a special annex, until homes can be constructed for all of them. They are all enjoined to be kind and good to their animal friends and neighbors, and not to apply any previously formed judgments. For example, where they’ve come from, skunks are varmints, but in the Metmow they are solid citizens and bon vivants, well worth spending an evening with. Polar bears do not eat people, and, indeed, they enjoy eating with people. And rhinoceroses are not truculent or surly, but pleasant and equable. (The Metmow’s finest poet, it must be added, is a rhinoceros, and its second-finest poet a stegosaurus.) This information may be a little much for the refugees to digest, but they are so pleased by the breakfast buffet that they agree among themselves to keep open minds and offer willing hearts. In a few hours, the zeppelins will touch down in an enormous meadow clearing half a mile from the Hotel N., and a new and better life will begin for all.

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